Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ahh...when it rains it pours.

Mr. Benji is hanging in there. Looking good, eating well, temp is up, he's content and sweet and I am officially smitten and in love with my sweet little boy.

On a non-Benji related note, we've been dealt some other devastating news, that I can't get into right now, but I will say, last night was rough. When it rains, it pours.

But, you know what? This morning as I type with a snoozing baby on my lap and gorgeous sunlight filtering in through the blinds, I don't care. I've got a family I love. I've got a sick little boy who needs his mommy to be at her best to take care of him. And three little boys at home missing their momma like crazy.

My family needs me to be at my best...**I** need me to be at my best. Taking care of them makes ME feel better too. So that is where my focus will lie. On getting our sick boy better so we can get him home to his brothers. In order to regain some sense of normalcy, I've got to fight for my family and our well-being...so that is what I will do.

Will keep you posted on the little man...

Monday, July 19, 2010

How Do Mom's Do This?

This is tougher than I ever could've imagined. The ups and downs of this hospital stay have been intense, and I am feeling myself...my mood, my personality, etc...slip further and further away. I'm not trying to sound melodramatic here, and I apologize if it's coming across that way. I just need to vent I guess.

I realize there are sweet, sick babies in far worse condition than our little Benji. We still get to have him in our room most of the time. He acts and seems healthy, minus the IV as a constant reminder that he's not. Every blood test/culture he's had since the initial positive has come back negative and clear. He eats well. He maintains his temperature well. (Although those two things seem to change...one day he'll be doing great and the next he's back in the nursery under the warmers because of low temps. Again...ups and downs.) But Benji has an elevated CRP level. CRP is C Reactive Protein...it's a marker, kind of like white blood cell count. Completely non-specific. All we know is that something is wrong. His CRP is not only elevated...it's HIGHER than the last time they checked it. And we have absolutely no idea why.

Yesterday they took his IV out and told us they'd check his blood one more time in the morning and that in all likelihood we'd be going home. Now, yes, they probably shouldn't have said that...but he's been doing so well! But a visit from the pediatrician proved dissapointing this morning...he's here and we don't know for how long. The immediate thought is finish out a 5 day course of antibiotics and retest him then. If it's still elevated, we go from there.

Of course, as a mom...especially a mom prone to worry more than some...my mind runs this gamut of all of the things that could possibly be wrong to elevate that count. There is no "infection"...so what else could be elevating that count? Something is obviously wrong with my baby.

I'm stressed. I'm scared. I'm sad. I am sick, sick, sick of being in this hospital (but I left yesterday and that was way more stressful for me than being here). I miss my other kids and my house and my dogs, but the thought of leaving my baby here for even a minute just breaks my heart. I feel so torn...not knowing what to think. What to do.

Again, I realize there are babies and families dealing with far worse situations which makes me feel guilty for complaining. I feel guilty when I am crabby towards family and friends that want to visit and I just feel like I can't be upbeat and cheerful. I feel guilty that I can't make my sick baby better. I feel guilty that I have felt jealousy towards other moms/babies who were discharged together from the hospital since we've been here. That is unlike me...like I said, I'm losing sight of myself and I don't really know what to do about it.

Anyway...sorry for the "Debbie Downer" post this morning. I just needed to vent how I'm feeling somewhere, and here's as good a place as any, right? I am just having a hard time with the constant wondering and worrying.
(And if any readers have any information on or experience with elevated CRP levels, please let me know.)

I will keep you all posted on how he's doing.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Our Beautiful Baby Boy

Benji Riott was born 7/15 at 36 weeks, weighing a tiny (to me...remember, I have big babies) 6lbs 4oz. He is 18 1/2 inches long and has a full head of hair. My water had broken two days earlier.

He came out struggling to breathe...but after an hour in an oxygen hood, self-corrected and was doing fine. He was spending a lot of time under warming lamps trying to help him learn to self-regulate his body temperature and was doing great this morning. We had him all day in our room, only to learn this afternoon that after finding out I was Group B Strep positive, they rechecked his blood cultures and discovered bacteria growth.
He is now on IV antibiotics and has received several sticks and a spinal tap. :( He's looking at a long-ish hospital stay and I am crushed at the thought of being discharged without him tomorrow. :(

I will post a full birth story when I am in a better mental state (I'm super sad and worried about the infection...) but wanted to update everyone and let you know he's here!

Here's just one pic from here at the hospital, on his birthday with his Daddy.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

36 weeks today and feeling it!

I've been SO sleepy lately! I don't know if it's because it's hot out or what, but I'm TIRED, and ready to be DONE!!!

Only one more week until I'm considered full term (and I had both Luc and Mikey at 37 weeks!!). It is just crazy to me to think the little man (yes, he's still nameless) could really be here any day! Exciting though...I can't wait to meet him! :) (And to be done being pregnant FOREVER! LOL!)

The kids and I are hoping to squeeze in a couple more projects before he gets here, but we'll see how things play out! And SOON, we will have lots of photos to share of our bedroom makeovers! We moved to another bedroom, and are moving the kids around to different rooms, so as those moves are finished up and the rooms decorated, I will be sure to share photos! It is an exciting and busy time in our lives right now!!

Beyond all that, not much else to update on...just busy with life, getting ready for the little guy, and working on the barrage of senior photo sessions I feel lucky to have been hit with this summer! (Sneak Peeks and Specials on my other blog...link in the side bar!)

Anywho...talk soon!

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